There's nothing I can do? I should just expect him to find out? He already basically treats me like some possession of his now, when he just thinks I look like him. I can't even imagine how he'll treat me if he finds out that it's not just a coincidence that I look like this.
You continue to do what you're doing. If he does find out, it won't be from you or me, and that's as far as we can control. I don't believe Duv will say anything either since I asked him not to, and he hasn't yet.
As for how he'll treat you ... it'll be like a brother, if memory serves, as vague as it is by now.
[ He stares at her cluelessly. A side-effect of having a childhood like his childhood: you miss out on little-kid culture. And any and all descriptions of what girls do with their hair. ]
Oh. It's a constructed schoolyard social fiction. Boy pulling on a girl's hair to get her attention when the boy likes the girl and wants to hide the fact he likes her.
[ A knell of dread pounds through him. He draws back a bit. It shouldn't have occurred to him, of course - what does it make him, that this even occurs to him - but how many times had Galen described the Vor - and the Vorkosigans particularly - as incestuous perverts, sodomites lusting after their own families? So, a little shakily, he says - ]
You don't mean...like. In that sense. Do you?
[ And, also, because there are some clones made for that purpose. He knows that, too. Not in Bharaputra's labs, usually, but in Ryoval's. It's hard to imagine anyone coveting this face that he hates so much, but... ]
[ Relief and shame bloom through him in equal amounts. He's embarrassed that he even thought - But grateful, beyond grateful, that that's not it. That it's innocent. Just uncomplicated family sentiment.
Uncomplicated. Right. Ha. There's a joke. ]
Sorry. Um - I guess I don't know him so well yet. So I don't know...
[ It's an awkward excuse, and sounds fake, but it's not completely untrue. He doesn't know Miles well. All he has is his training - training that's programmed him to think of the Vorkosigans as - well. As a group of perverts and tyrants. He sort of wishes that that was still how he thought of them. ]
If I stay like this - just...Peter Kane - I have a shot of not being...
[ He looks down, trying to find a word for what he is. The best he can come up with is a small, exhausted: ]
Pathetic.
[ Because he knows. Even though his head had always been filled with that shit about how he's the savior of Komarr, about how he has this grand destiny, he know that this is all his life really has been. That's become all the more transparent the longer he's lived here. That it's all just...sad. ]
[ He looks up at her, and then slowly, tentatively, skittishly, he reaches out and touches her hand. Lightly, on the palm. And his eyes - an identical gray to hers - look up and meet hers. ]
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2016-05-16 03:05 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2016-05-20 01:14 pm (UTC)[ He hunches his shoulders. ]
There's nothing I can do? I should just expect him to find out? He already basically treats me like some possession of his now, when he just thinks I look like him. I can't even imagine how he'll treat me if he finds out that it's not just a coincidence that I look like this.
no subject
Date: 2016-05-20 03:52 pm (UTC)As for how he'll treat you ... it'll be like a brother, if memory serves, as vague as it is by now.
no subject
Date: 2016-05-22 01:56 am (UTC)[ He shifts uncomfortably. ]
He doesn't respect me now. When I say don't, he just talks over me.
no subject
Date: 2016-05-22 02:28 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2016-05-22 04:48 pm (UTC)My...pig-tail...?
no subject
Date: 2016-05-22 08:20 pm (UTC)[ She waves it off. ]
no subject
Date: 2016-05-22 08:46 pm (UTC)You don't mean...like. In that sense. Do you?
[ And, also, because there are some clones made for that purpose. He knows that, too. Not in Bharaputra's labs, usually, but in Ryoval's. It's hard to imagine anyone coveting this face that he hates so much, but... ]
no subject
Date: 2016-05-22 08:50 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2016-05-22 08:58 pm (UTC)[ Relief and shame bloom through him in equal amounts. He's embarrassed that he even thought - But grateful, beyond grateful, that that's not it. That it's innocent. Just uncomplicated family sentiment.
Uncomplicated. Right. Ha. There's a joke. ]
Sorry. Um - I guess I don't know him so well yet. So I don't know...
[ It's an awkward excuse, and sounds fake, but it's not completely untrue. He doesn't know Miles well. All he has is his training - training that's programmed him to think of the Vorkosigans as - well. As a group of perverts and tyrants. He sort of wishes that that was still how he thought of them. ]
no subject
Date: 2016-05-22 09:02 pm (UTC)... Would you like to?
no subject
Date: 2016-05-22 09:05 pm (UTC)I...I can't. He'd - want to get to know me back.
no subject
Date: 2016-05-22 09:36 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2016-05-22 09:40 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2016-05-22 09:46 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2016-05-22 09:56 pm (UTC)[ He looks down, trying to find a word for what he is. The best he can come up with is a small, exhausted: ]
Pathetic.
[ Because he knows. Even though his head had always been filled with that shit about how he's the savior of Komarr, about how he has this grand destiny, he know that this is all his life really has been. That's become all the more transparent the longer he's lived here. That it's all just...sad. ]
no subject
Date: 2016-05-22 09:59 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2016-05-22 10:33 pm (UTC)Just a clone.
no subject
Date: 2016-05-22 10:34 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2016-05-22 10:42 pm (UTC)What will I be once I betray you, Countess? ]
I just - don't want him to know.
no subject
Date: 2016-05-22 11:19 pm (UTC)[ But her hand is still outstretched on the table between them. ]
no subject
Date: 2016-05-28 07:19 pm (UTC)Um...Yeah. Thanks.
no subject
Date: 2016-05-29 01:34 am (UTC)Could I get to know you, Peter? Would you allow me to?
no subject
Date: 2016-05-30 02:10 am (UTC)There's not much to know, lady.
no subject
Date: 2016-05-30 08:34 pm (UTC)