contact post

[jacksonian]

[ voice / video / text / in-person ]

Comments

text;

[itistolaugh]

look what you're missing

[ attached is a photo of a pretty smiling woman with a truly monstrous pizza ]

text;

[jacksonian]

[ no
no
nO

Oh god
He could start crying, because that photograph is pretty much everything he desires in the world. But he's savvy enough to be suspicious: ]

What's the hustle?

[itistolaugh]

???
nobody says hustle anymore come on

[jacksonian]

[ What on earth is going on...That's a weird response. Especially if she wants something in return. Which...she must, right? This is a scam, right? So, more directly: ]

What do you want?

[itistolaugh]

to make you feel bad about that stupid fad diet why are you being weird
i expected crying emojis not an interrogation

[jacksonian]

[ Okay, Mark has been accused of a lot of things in his day. Being on a fad diet is not one of them. ]

Who is this?

[itistolaugh]

harley
is this not jeff?
lol whoops sorry new phone my numbers are all messed up

[jacksonian]

[ Oh. It makes more sense now. Though he's not fully convinced this isn't some sort of hustle. ]

So Jeff's on a diet and so you're texting him pictures of beautiful women holding pizza to torment him?

[itistolaugh]

everyone needs a hobby

[jacksonian]

That's a weird one. Who's Jeff, anyway?

[itistolaugh]

jeff winger. we have a whole frenemy thing going on insta and bwitter so i've been taking a lot of selfies with carbs lately

[jacksonian]

[ And sending pictures of incredibly beautiful women with carbs, he thinks. When will he get to meet an incredibly beautiful woman with carbs? ]

Oh. Him. Do you actually like him?

[itistolaugh]

why would i send pics of myself to someone i don't like that would be weird
sending pics to total strangers on accident doesn't count obvs
who is this btw??

[jacksonian]

[ Uh. ]

That's a picture of you?

[itistolaugh]

lol yeah
did you think i had pics of some rando with pizza

[jacksonian]

[ How is a woman that pretty talking to him
How is it possible that women who are that pretty are real and not a figment of his fevered imagination ]

Maybe you downloaded them. I don't know. Anyway, he's definitely not worth your time, you know.

[itistolaugh]

thats up to me to to decide

[ She switches to video, since it's the easiest way to prove she's not catfishing. ]

See? I'm the real deal.

[ Then shuts it off again. ]

[jacksonian]

[ kill him
kill him and drop his body in a ditch
She's so pretty ]

Yeah, I guess you are. Sorry that you texted me.

[ He sends that off and then winces, because that sounds so stupid. Why's he apologizing? ]

[itistolaugh]

haha im not. yay new friends!! who are you, new friend?

[jacksonian]

[ ???????? ]

Mark. That seems fast to be friends.

[itistolaugh]

no seems about right
unless you don't like me?
which seems unlikely because im great

[jacksonian]

[ ????????????? ]

I didn't say I didn't like you. I don't even know you.

[itistolaugh]

so get to know me

[jacksonian]

[ ???????????????????????????????????????? ]

How?

[itistolaugh]

just talking to each other