Mark Pierre Vorkosigan / "Peter Kane" (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
jacksonian) wrote2016-03-05 11:05 am
jacksonian) wrote2016-03-05 11:05 am
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[ voice / video / text / in-person ]
[ She hears the change in his voice and she raises a hand in surrender. ]
All right, all right. I won't say a word about it. But I can just as easily imagine him getting offended that you hired out and will want to know what you're hiding from him.
All right, all right. I won't say a word about it. But I can just as easily imagine him getting offended that you hired out and will want to know what you're hiding from him.
[ He hunches his shoulders - but he's relaxing a bit. ]
So I won't tell him.
So I won't tell him.
[ She makes a faint snorting sound. ]
Tell me how that goes for you.
Tell me how that goes for you.
[ He hunches down further. ]
I've managed to keep my secrets from him this long. I can continue to do so.
I've managed to keep my secrets from him this long. I can continue to do so.
Oh, I'm sure you could. I was just laughing at the thought of Miles actually backing down when you don't tell him anything.
It's not, and I'd tell him as such, but that word would only go so far with him.
So, what, then?
[ He hunches his shoulders. ]
There's nothing I can do? I should just expect him to find out? He already basically treats me like some possession of his now, when he just thinks I look like him. I can't even imagine how he'll treat me if he finds out that it's not just a coincidence that I look like this.
[ He hunches his shoulders. ]
There's nothing I can do? I should just expect him to find out? He already basically treats me like some possession of his now, when he just thinks I look like him. I can't even imagine how he'll treat me if he finds out that it's not just a coincidence that I look like this.
You continue to do what you're doing. If he does find out, it won't be from you or me, and that's as far as we can control. I don't believe Duv will say anything either since I asked him not to, and he hasn't yet.
As for how he'll treat you ... it'll be like a brother, if memory serves, as vague as it is by now.
As for how he'll treat you ... it'll be like a brother, if memory serves, as vague as it is by now.
Yeah, but...
[ He shifts uncomfortably. ]
He doesn't respect me now. When I say don't, he just talks over me.
[ He shifts uncomfortably. ]
He doesn't respect me now. When I say don't, he just talks over me.
He's like a child testing out the limits of someone he just met, how far he can push them. Don't let him pull your pigtails.
[ He stares at her cluelessly. A side-effect of having a childhood like his childhood: you miss out on little-kid culture. And any and all descriptions of what girls do with their hair. ]
My...pig-tail...?
My...pig-tail...?
Oh. It's a constructed schoolyard social fiction. Boy pulling on a girl's hair to get her attention when the boy likes the girl and wants to hide the fact he likes her.
[ She waves it off. ]
[ She waves it off. ]
[ A knell of dread pounds through him. He draws back a bit. It shouldn't have occurred to him, of course - what does it make him, that this even occurs to him - but how many times had Galen described the Vor - and the Vorkosigans particularly - as incestuous perverts, sodomites lusting after their own families? So, a little shakily, he says - ]
You don't mean...like. In that sense. Do you?
[ And, also, because there are some clones made for that purpose. He knows that, too. Not in Bharaputra's labs, usually, but in Ryoval's. It's hard to imagine anyone coveting this face that he hates so much, but... ]
You don't mean...like. In that sense. Do you?
[ And, also, because there are some clones made for that purpose. He knows that, too. Not in Bharaputra's labs, usually, but in Ryoval's. It's hard to imagine anyone coveting this face that he hates so much, but... ]
What—oh, God no. No, Mark, not like that. I meant more that Miles like to poke at things he wants to know better.
Oh.
[ Relief and shame bloom through him in equal amounts. He's embarrassed that he even thought - But grateful, beyond grateful, that that's not it. That it's innocent. Just uncomplicated family sentiment.
Uncomplicated. Right. Ha. There's a joke. ]
Sorry. Um - I guess I don't know him so well yet. So I don't know...
[ It's an awkward excuse, and sounds fake, but it's not completely untrue. He doesn't know Miles well. All he has is his training - training that's programmed him to think of the Vorkosigans as - well. As a group of perverts and tyrants. He sort of wishes that that was still how he thought of them. ]
[ Relief and shame bloom through him in equal amounts. He's embarrassed that he even thought - But grateful, beyond grateful, that that's not it. That it's innocent. Just uncomplicated family sentiment.
Uncomplicated. Right. Ha. There's a joke. ]
Sorry. Um - I guess I don't know him so well yet. So I don't know...
[ It's an awkward excuse, and sounds fake, but it's not completely untrue. He doesn't know Miles well. All he has is his training - training that's programmed him to think of the Vorkosigans as - well. As a group of perverts and tyrants. He sort of wishes that that was still how he thought of them. ]
I suppose you wouldn't yet, considering.
... Would you like to?
... Would you like to?
[ He looks up, uncertainty mixed with something like fear on his face. Hesitantly: ]
I...I can't. He'd - want to get to know me back.
I...I can't. He'd - want to get to know me back.
If I stay like this - just...Peter Kane - I have a shot of not being...
[ He looks down, trying to find a word for what he is. The best he can come up with is a small, exhausted: ]
Pathetic.
[ Because he knows. Even though his head had always been filled with that shit about how he's the savior of Komarr, about how he has this grand destiny, he know that this is all his life really has been. That's become all the more transparent the longer he's lived here. That it's all just...sad. ]
[ He looks down, trying to find a word for what he is. The best he can come up with is a small, exhausted: ]
Pathetic.
[ Because he knows. Even though his head had always been filled with that shit about how he's the savior of Komarr, about how he has this grand destiny, he know that this is all his life really has been. That's become all the more transparent the longer he's lived here. That it's all just...sad. ]
Mark—Peter. [ She reaches for his hand again. ] You're not pathetic. Not now, not ever.
[ His mouth turns up in a miserable, bitter, ironic smile. He pulls his hand back, avoiding her touch this time. ]
Just a clone.
Just a clone.
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