Mark Pierre Vorkosigan / "Peter Kane" (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
jacksonian) wrote2016-03-05 11:05 am
jacksonian) wrote2016-03-05 11:05 am
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[ She squeezes his hand, still smiling with that affectionate expression at him, utterly unaware of what's going on inside his head. ]
I won't, I did promise you that. Just because I was much older at the time doesn't break that.
I won't, I did promise you that. Just because I was much older at the time doesn't break that.
[ A little nod. ]
I just...wasn't sure if you remembered.
[ He's quiet a moment. He doesn't want her to let go, and at the same time he desperately wishes she would let go. How is it that he simultaneously starves for touch and hates it? ]
You know that I'm not him, right?
I just...wasn't sure if you remembered.
[ He's quiet a moment. He doesn't want her to let go, and at the same time he desperately wishes she would let go. How is it that he simultaneously starves for touch and hates it? ]
You know that I'm not him, right?
[ He shakes his head. ]
No. Not Miles. I'm...not - Mark, either.
[ He swallows and looks down at his plate, scraped half clean. He half dreads that pointing this out will cause her to leap back in sudden revelation - that he's a substitute for her substitute, a shadow of the shadow she knew. Not to be touched or trusted or loved. And he half hopes that she will. It'll be a relief to have the worst over. It'll be a relief, having the path to his betrayal cleared. Because almost more frightening than the visions of how they'll tear him apart is the vision of Lady Vorkosigan with her heart broken by him. ]
Not the Mark you know.
No. Not Miles. I'm...not - Mark, either.
[ He swallows and looks down at his plate, scraped half clean. He half dreads that pointing this out will cause her to leap back in sudden revelation - that he's a substitute for her substitute, a shadow of the shadow she knew. Not to be touched or trusted or loved. And he half hopes that she will. It'll be a relief to have the worst over. It'll be a relief, having the path to his betrayal cleared. Because almost more frightening than the visions of how they'll tear him apart is the vision of Lady Vorkosigan with her heart broken by him. ]
Not the Mark you know.
That's true, isn't it ... [ Her voice lowers, softens, and the pad of her thumb brushing over the back of the hand she's holding. ] But then technically, I didn't know Mark at all. Not me, anyway.
But I'd like to get to know you.
But I'd like to get to know you.
[ You might not like what you get to know, he tries to say, and he desperately wants the warning to be gruff, tough, clear-eyed and unsentimental. Instead, it comes out as a sad: ]
What if you don't like me?
What if you don't like me?
[ She huffs lightly, the corners of her mouth turning up. ]
Why, are you planning to do something horrid? I highly doubt that it'd come to that.
Why, are you planning to do something horrid? I highly doubt that it'd come to that.
[ He looks down at once, away from her. You have no idea. Though in a way...No. He's not planning to do something terrible. He's just...waiting. Waiting for it to come, waiting for the rustle of wind when Lucifer shows up and takes him along. God, he hopes it never comes... ]
Uh. Well. Maybe you just won't like my...personality. That's possible too.
Uh. Well. Maybe you just won't like my...personality. That's possible too.
[ She outright laughs at that, sounding as warm as her hand. ]
Have you met my husband and son? You'd be a huge relief after spending time with them.
Have you met my husband and son? You'd be a huge relief after spending time with them.
[ He looks up uncertainly. ]
You don't mean that - you don't like them, right?
You don't mean that - you don't like them, right?
I love them both dearly, but good God, they're insufferable sometimes.
You want me to gossip about them?
[ Her smile turns teasing. ]
[ Her smile turns teasing. ]
Oh - no.
[ He pulls his hand back, embarrassed. What a stupid thing to ask. Vorkosigans are loyal to one another, not outsiders. ]
Sorry.
[ He pulls his hand back, embarrassed. What a stupid thing to ask. Vorkosigans are loyal to one another, not outsiders. ]
Sorry.
Oh, no, I have no problems with that. What do you want to gossip about?
[ Aw, her smile turns a bit sympathetic at his withdrawal, but she covers it smoothly by simply pulling her own hand back and resumes eating. ]
[ Aw, her smile turns a bit sympathetic at his withdrawal, but she covers it smoothly by simply pulling her own hand back and resumes eating. ]
Um -
[ Really? He picks up his fork and claws at a stray piece of macaroni with its tines, his eyes fixed on Countess Vorkosigan. Is she...really offering? ]
Well, uh...What...is it that annoys you about them? I guess.
[ Really? He picks up his fork and claws at a stray piece of macaroni with its tines, his eyes fixed on Countess Vorkosigan. Is she...really offering? ]
Well, uh...What...is it that annoys you about them? I guess.
[ She gives another heartfelt laugh. ]
You mean besides their Barrayaran stubbornness? And their failings at anything resembling emotional competency? And those are just the more endearing ones ...
You mean besides their Barrayaran stubbornness? And their failings at anything resembling emotional competency? And those are just the more endearing ones ...
[ He hesitates. It's not his place, but even so, he offers an awkward: ]
That must be hard for you. I mean - You're practically the only Betan on Barrayar, aren't you? Just culturally, it must get really frustrating.
[ He hopes she doesn't get offended by that. It's not like he's remotely good at empathy - why's he trying? ]
That must be hard for you. I mean - You're practically the only Betan on Barrayar, aren't you? Just culturally, it must get really frustrating.
[ He hopes she doesn't get offended by that. It's not like he's remotely good at empathy - why's he trying? ]
[ She doesn't look offended in the least; in fact she smiles more widely. ]
I think I am, though there may be some consultant here or there. Not sure since it was so soon after Escobar. Probably quite a few more by your time, though.
But yes, frustrating and shocking, to say the least. I think one of the biggest shocks I had was realizing that not everyone has access to a comconsole. Or even electricity.
I think I am, though there may be some consultant here or there. Not sure since it was so soon after Escobar. Probably quite a few more by your time, though.
But yes, frustrating and shocking, to say the least. I think one of the biggest shocks I had was realizing that not everyone has access to a comconsole. Or even electricity.
[ This is a part of Barrayar he doesn't know about. His education has always focused on the Barrayaran high society, the decadence of the Vor and their Emperor, the perversion and evil and inbred madness. (Another thing he got that shouldn't be his, that's Miles' - a family tree with rather too few branches, and all the genetic weaknesses that implies.) Less this. He hazards a guess: ]
Out in the country, right?
Out in the country, right?
Including, but not limited to. Even in places like Vorbarr Sultana!
Don't they have the money for it?
[ He frowns just a little. ]
With proper investments, electricity could easily be brought to them.
[ And, lest that sentiment sound too un-Jacksonian: ]
Which would turn a profit really easily.
[ He frowns just a little. ]
With proper investments, electricity could easily be brought to them.
[ And, lest that sentiment sound too un-Jacksonian: ]
Which would turn a profit really easily.
[ Meanwhile, Cordelia just lets her Betan show. ]
It should be a right to have it in the first place, not a privilege you have to pay for.
It should be a right to have it in the first place, not a privilege you have to pay for.
Well, regardless - why haven't they developed it? It's not like Barrayar is poor. I've seen holovids of their events.
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